Last Updated on October 17, 2024

Drinking less alcohol doesn’t have to be restrictive or stressful. Moderating your drinking at your own pace might help take away the pressure that often comes with strict abstinence-only goals. While it’s not necessarily for everyone, finding a balance that works for you can make cutting back feel a lot more manageable and enjoyable. 

Whether you’re looking to feel better, gain more control, or just be more mindful about your habits, this guide’s got you covered. We’ll dive into why cutting back can feel so hard (spoiler: it’s not about willpower), and offer up practical, stress-free tips for identifying and managing your triggers. With a focus on mental health and habit building, this guide will give you the tools you need to drink less alcohol and feel better, without the pressure of having to give it up completely — which ironically, can make it all the harder to change your habits in the first place. Ready to learn more? Let’s dive in. 

What is alcohol moderation?

Alcohol moderation has a scientific definition, but how each person defines it for themselves might be entirely different. Technically, the American government defines it as one drink a day or less for women, and two drinks a day or less for men. That could look like one 12-ounce beer, a 5-ounce glass of wine, or 1.5 ounces of distilled spirits. 

For many, moderation is about enjoying some alcohol without negative consequences, both mental and physical. It isn’t just about numbers — it’s feeling comfortable with choices that work for your life. For example, it might be that sweet spot where you enjoy a night out and have a drink with dinner, without worry. 

The benefits of drinking less alcohol 

What happens to your body when you drink less? Well, with moderation, you’re leaning towards getting the best of both worlds: enjoying alcohol while keeping your health in check. Research also backs up the multitude of benefits that reducing consumption has. Within just a few weeks some people notice weight loss, better sleep, healthier skin, and improved concentration. Then there are the long-term benefits we don’t notice on a daily level, like a reduced risk of heart disease, liver problems, and certain cancers. 

The good news with moderation is that even a small decrease in your intake can add up to big results. For example, if you have one or two fewer drinks, you’ll probably sleep better. That means you can wake up feeling more energized and potentially, in a better mood. That might translate to more positive interactions with the people in your life and a productive day. Every small change you make can impact your life, whether you notice it right away or later down the line.

Why drink less instead of quitting alcohol?

Put too much pressure on anything (or anyone), and it will crumble. For some, quitting completely might feel so overwhelming and impractical that they don’t even see a point in trying. It becomes a black-and-white choice, where the only options are to quit or continue without change. Moderation, however, opens up another path.

Often, rigid, all-or-nothing goals can set us up for failure, which affects our mental health and future decisions. We often make failure mean something about who we are, as in we’re not good enough, strong enough, or smart enough to follow through. It can bring up self-criticism, shame, and guilt, which impacts our sense of self-efficacy — the belief that we can accomplish our goals.

This can lead to a vicious cycle, where we feel so badly about ourselves that we need something to either numb the pain or punish ourselves. And what better option than that very thing we feel like we can’t control? That can create a feedback loop of drinking even more alcohol or giving up entirely on the idea of drinking less. 

The science of drinking less alcohol vs. quitting

Psychological research has long studied how pressure, including its symptoms — like perfectionism and self-criticism — can lead to mental health disorders. Anxiety and depression increase, and developing a healthy relationship with the subject, like alcohol or food, can worsen. 

Rigidity can lead to stress, increasing cortisol levels and impairing decision-making. This heightened stress can drive impulsive behaviors like binge drinking or giving up entirely on your goals.

Moderation, however, can lead to sustainability for some people. A recent study on abstinence versus moderation found that both were potentially positive paths. It suggested that there isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach to recovery; it depends on your situation and needs. 

Moderation isn’t the best path for everyone, but it might be something that works for you. It can even be a path toward eventual sobriety, if you want it to be. About 15% of people who join Sunnyside have a plan to eventually quit, and they use moderation with Sunnyside as their starting point.

By choosing to drink less rather than quitting, you might open yourself up to the start of a more balanced relationship with alcohol. After all, flexibility and compassion are some of the most important factors for mental health. 

Understanding your why and how it can help you drink less alcohol 

Why do you want to drink less? An answer that’s truly meaningful to you has the power to change your commitment and stick to your goals, even when it’s not easy. 

For many, the automatic answer might be to feel better or lose weight. Dig deeper to get to the root of what it truly means to you. For example, let’s say your reason is to lose weight. Why? Is it even something you really want or is it an external societal pressure to look a certain way? 

When your motivation comes from a personal value, it can create an internal motivation that makes habit change easier. Getting healthier because you want to play with your kids, rather than an external pressure for appearances, makes you more likely to change your habits. So look for a reason that’s true to what you really want and what you think you’ll get from it. We’re more motivated by intrinsic desires like feeling confident, in control, or connected to others — rather than superficial rewards.

From there, you’ll want to make your why as specific as possible so you can visualize it to keep you going. If it’s to play with your kids, you can bring up an image in your mind that motivates you. Whatever it is for you, make it specific and intrinsic. 

Why it’s important to learn your triggers and habits 

When you understand what leads you to drink, you can plan ahead to manage your triggers and habits more healthily. Whether it’s certain situations or emotions, there’s usually an underlying reason. Here are some of the most common drinking triggers that might be affecting you: 

• Habit. It’s an automatic part of your routine, like seeing friends for drinks after work or pouring a glass of wine while cooking dinner. 
• Stress. Alcohol becomes associated with a reward or distraction that offers temporary relief. 
• Boredom. A way to pass the time and fill any emptiness. 
• Physical dependence. Over time, your body can begin to rely on alcohol, which can create cravings and withdrawal symptoms that trigger you to drink. 
• Mental or physical health struggles. Feeling anxious, lonely, sad, or in physical pain can make you turn to something to self-medicate and soothe. 

There are also indirect triggers that have a domino effect and lead to exhaustion and stress, making healthier decisions more difficult. Some examples are going to bed late, not exercising, eating unhealthily, not seeing friends, and not making time for things that bring you joy. While you might not notice how these indirect habits affect your decision-making abilities daily, they add up. Healthy habits give us energy and confidence, and boost feel-good hormones that can make it easier to stick with our goals. 

How to identify your triggers

You can take specific steps to notice your patterns and triggers more easily, such as: 

• Getting a tracking app. Using an app like Sunnyside lets you log every drink, helping you see how much you have on average. A glass of wine while cooking and another with dinner might not seem like a lot, but it adds up to 14 per week. Seeing your results might make you rethink your habits and gain motivation to change them.
• Trying a drinking journal to catch patterns. While you can use an app to track the numbers, you can also write notes on your phone or in a journal about the events and emotions of the day. For example, you might notice you drink more on days when you go into the office or have a deadline. Or maybe it’s an extra drink after fighting with your spouse or feeling bored at home on the weekend. Whatever it is, seeing how your drinking habits play out according to your day lets you notice patterns — which is the first step toward breaking them. 
• Gauging your environment. There might be more visual and situational cues around you than you realize. For example, is there a place you stop by to buy drinks on your way home or certain friends you only drink with? Do you go straight to the fridge to grab a beer when you get home? Is there a cupboard full of alcohol always waiting for you at home?

Check-in with yourself daily to reflect on your day and what might have motivated you to drink or not. This article on identifying your triggers and learning how to use them to your advantage might help you dive in deeper. 

Techniques to manage your triggers

As you start to get a better idea of what triggers you to drink, you can look for ways to intercept your patterns and routines. You can start using cravings as an opportunity to learn what’s really going on, and how to manage them better. 

Emotional triggers

Negative emotions are one of the biggest reasons people turn to alcohol. We weren’t exactly raised in a society that taught emotional regulation — quite the opposite. Many of us were told to hide our emotions and put on a brave face. Not learning how to express or manage negative emotions internally has led many of us to rely on external comforts to avoid or numb the pain that we don’t know how to sit with. 

What we also didn’t learn was that negative emotions exist for a reason. They’re healthy and a very normal part of life. Discomfort is what forces us to change and grow. To put it simply, we would never have learned how to start a fire if we weren’t cold or starving. 

If you’ve been observing your patterns and notice that stress, anxiety, or any uncomfortable emotion triggers you to drink, ask yourself these three questions next time it happens:

1. Can I name what I’m feeling right now? Instead of immediately turning to something to distract, numb, or alleviate the discomfort, tune into what’s really bothering you. Let yourself start to feel safe by being curious about the emotion rather than afraid of it. 
2. Can I let myself feel these uncomfortable emotions, without trying to change them? Often, avoiding discomfort is what leads to unhealthy decisions. Allowing yourself to feel the pain can help take away its power over you since you don’t have to run from it and turn to anything else. Allowing the pain, little by little, lets you know you can feel safe with yourself, especially while uncomfortable. 
3. Can I do anything to help myself lean into these feelings, or distract myself if I need to in a healthier way? If the discomfort is too strong to manage, that’s ok. It’s not always a good moment to let the pain take over. In those moments, think of healthy options that can help you out. You can even make a list for yourself so you have ideas ahead of time. For example, turning on a comedy that makes you laugh, a high-energy song to shake the tension out, video calling a loved one to see a friendly face, or a walk in a park to regulate your breathing. 

Situational triggers

If it’s not emotional but merely habit and situational-related, get into problem-solving mode. Brainstorm answers to these questions:

Small changes can break automatic drinking cycles. For example, if you usually pour a drink right when you get home, try delaying it just a bit by first doing something active, like taking a quick walk around the block or doing a 10-minute yoga video. Or, if you’re used to grabbing a drink from the fridge as part of your routine, rearrange your fridge so that healthier drinks like kombucha or flavored sparkling water are front and center. Even small shifts like these can create new, healthier habits.

1. Can I replace the habit with something else that also feels like a reward? If you get home from work and want a drink, maybe there’s a nonalcoholic one you can enjoy instead. Or maybe realizing time spent with your friends is what you really want, so you can invite them to do something without alcohol.
2. Can I change my routine or environment? Our surroundings tend to reinforce our habits. So if you usually meet friends at a bar, maybe suggest somewhere else. You can also try meeting new people by signing up for a class or hobby, like pottery, photography, or sports. 
3. Can I make one small change that would disrupt my pattern? Small changes can break automatic drinking cycles. For example, if you usually pour a drink right when you get home, try delaying it just a bit by first doing something active, like taking a quick walk around the block or doing a 10-minute yoga video. Or, if you’re used to grabbing a drink from the fridge as part of your routine, rearrange your fridge so that healthier drinks like kombucha or flavored sparkling water are front and center. Even small shifts like these can create new, healthier habits.

How to change your habits and drink less alcohol without stress

We usually get tripped up on all-or-nothing thinking and huge, impractical goals that make us feel restricted and don’t work. To change a habit with less stress, try an approach that focuses not only on simplicity but a mental reframing that takes away the anxiety of black-and-white thinking. Here’s how:

Focus on addition, not restriction 

Overly restrictive goals can backfire, making people binge on the very thing they’re trying to avoid. So instead of worrying about what you’re giving up, think about what you stand to gain — your “why”. 

Add reminders

Think of ways to make your “why” a reminder, for example:

• Put a photo of your why as your lock screen
• Write down your why every morning as soon as you wake up or get to work
• Place sticky notes on your alcohol cupboards, mirror, or fridge
• Sign up for motivational reminders to pop up on your phone to remind you throughout the day
• Wear something that acts like a visual reminder, like a bracelet or ring
• Use habit-tracking apps, like Sunnyside, to tie each milestone to your why and celebrate your wins

Even if it feels silly doing one of these, just remember that natural human behavior is to keep with the status quo. We rarely change without any effort, and visual reminders can have a bigger impact on us than we realize. 

A recent study in Health Psychology showed that we’re more likely to change our habits when we add reminders that force us to consciously think about the behavior shift we’re after. While reminders don’t necessarily make following through easier, it does make us more likely to follow through. The ease part has to go with how realistic and manageable your goals are, too. Research also specifically points out that no matter how many reminders you have, if you don’t have strong motivation to act on it, it’s not going to work.

Set SMART goals

Make the habit you want Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. That means avoiding anything vague like, “I want to drink less alcohol”. Instead, “I’ll have two drinks on weekend nights this month”. This goal is specific, measurable, relevant if you’re drinking more on weekends, and time-bound to four weekends. Of course, the caveat is to make sure that whatever goal it is, it’s practical for where you’re at in life right now. If it feels overwhelming, it might not be the goal for you. Play around with different ideas until you find one that sits well with you, making sure it’s a small step and not a drastic one. The smaller the step, the better your chances are of success — and the more self-efficacy you’ll build as you accomplish them.

Habit stack

A popular method to make habit changes as easy as possible is to stack a new one onto an existing one. For example, if you’re used to grabbing a drink when you get home from work, you could have something non-alcoholic instead, rather than avoiding having anything to drink altogether. To make it even easier on yourself, you could set up your environment to make this habit as easy as possible. That could look like removing any alcohol from the house and leaving something tasty in the fridge or cupboard (wherever you normally go to get a drink). The key is to make the new habit something that you also enjoy. It might be non-alcoholic beer or cocktails, an interesting smoothie, juice, kombucha, or whatever looks good to you.  

Track yourself

Studies show that people who monitor their progress are more likely to succeed in changing their habits. It creates self-awareness and accountability. It also makes progress visible, which leads to the feeling of reward and reinforces the new positive behavior. Tracking also lets you see patterns and measurable data, which can make it easier to recognize your triggers and tweak your strategies to overcome them. Try a habit-tracking app like Sunnyside, cell phone notes, or a journey to record your drinks. 

Plan positive rewards ahead of time

Positive reinforcement helps solidify new habits. When you reach a milestone, reward yourself with something that supports your new lifestyle. Let’s say you drink less alcohol this week, treat yourself to a fun activity, like trying a new restaurant with friends, signing up for a new hobby, or booking a weekend getaway. The reward doesn’t have to be big, but it should feel meaningful. Rewards make the process enjoyable and give you something to look forward to as you progress. 

Reassess and adjust

Goals aren’t set in stone, and it’s important to change them regularly. As you progress, you might notice that some goals just don’t work. For example, if your initial goal was to stop drinking on weekends but socializing makes it too challenging, it might be time to adjust. Maybe you can focus on moderating instead of going for zero drinks instead. Flexibility allows you to adapt to challenges without feeling like you’ve failed.

The importance of self-compassion when trying to drink less alcohol

Self-compassion has become a mental health buzzword for a reason. While it might sound new-age or woo-woo, science is backing up just how important it is for your mental health. 

In a nutshell, self-compassion makes you more resilient. It teaches you to trust and forgive yourself, which is key to moving on from setbacks and failure. It also helps you regulate your emotions by increasing your ability to tune in and comfort yourself, making managing difficult emotions easier. Put all its benefits together, and it lets you cope with stress more healthily. Studies show that more self-compassionate people are less likely to turn to alcohol to cope with negative emotions. 

Instead of focusing on failures, which keep you stuck, self-compassion teaches you to celebrate your progress, no matter how small. That gives you energy to keep going, even when things get rough. It’s not just a mindset shit, it’s changing your inner world of how you speak to yourself. You can work to let go of perfectionism and self-criticism, which countless studies show leads to anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and a host of other issues. Shame, for example, is significantly associated with more substance use-related problems since it can both trigger and continue substance use. 

When you build a healthier relationship with yourself, you create a supportive inner world that comforts you — making you need external comfort less. 

Three self-compassion exercises to try

Instead of vaguely telling yourself you’ll work on being more compassionate, commit to one self-compassion exercise daily for a few weeks. Give different ones a try and see what works for you: 

1. Self-compassion break: When you’re going through a hard time, pause and acknowledge it. Say to yourself, “This is hard, but I’m not alone — others struggle with this too.” Then, offer yourself kind words like you would to a friend: “I’m doing my best, and I’ll get through this.”

2. Write to a good friend: If you’re struggling with something, imagine it’s happening to another person — specifically, someone you love. Then, write them a letter. Let them know you’re here for them and offer kind, compassionate words. After you’re done writing, give it a moment. When you’re ready, read that letter back to yourself, as if it’s for you. It can be easier to speak kindly to someone else, so this exercise can help train you to see just how differently you speak to yourself. 

3. Kindness meditation: Sit quietly and repeat phrases of kindness toward yourself, such as “I’m not defined by my past. I am learning. Change takes time. I can be willing to forgive myself. I can be willing to believe in myself.” These types of phrases can cultivate compassion and gentleness toward yourself, especially when feeling stressed or disappointed. You can also use a guided self-compassion meditation if kind words don’t come easily to you. 
4. Write three compassionate things to yourself daily: With just a few minutes a day, you can work towards training yourself to become more compassionate. Leave a pen and paper on your bedside or desk, and make it a habit. Every night when you get into bed, write three simple self-compassionate phrases. For example, “Today I took care of myself by taking a break when I was tired at work,” or “I am proud of myself for…” or “I apologized to my partner today after snapping, I see I’m growing and trying.” 

What to do if you “slip up” when trying to drink less alcohol

Failure is a normal part of life, and it’s nothing to fear. While we might know that logically, accepting it is another thing. We’ve all been raised in a society that strives for perfection and views not achieving your goals to mean something negative about who you are as a person, which couldn’t be farther from the truth. 

For one, we often set unmanageable goals that are too drastic a change from our current lifestyle, which sets us up for failure. On top of that, we take failure as a sign that something’s wrong with us — not the goal itself. If we can instead look at it as a sign to change our goals, we can prevent that “all or nothing” attitude that leads us to give up and lose our sense of self-efficacy. Reframe that failure as a learning opportunity and a sign it’s time to change your goal.

The other component is how to speak to yourself when you “slip up”. That’s where self-compassion comes into play. The more you criticize yourself, the more likely you are to spiral into a shame cycle and lose the open-mindedness and encouragement needed to keep going. 

To start, try becoming more observant of how you speak to yourself when you mess up. From there, you can think of what might be a more neutral response (you don’t have to go from zero to one hundred and force positive thinking). Aim for a more non-judgemental voice that’s looking at things from an objective and compassionate perspective. You can even create a few go-to phrases to use whenever you notice self-criticism, like, “A slip-up can be an opportunity to learn, it doesn’t define my progress or who I am. I can slowly learn new habits and ways to cope”. Whatever the phrase is, make it true for you. Learn more phrases in this article: How to speak to yourself compassionately when you feel like you failed.

Why it’s important to become a part of a community 

Feeling supported gives us accountability, motivation, and an increase in our sense of belonging and self-efficacy — the belief that we can accomplish our goals. When we have this, research shows we’re more likely to stay committed since we’re confident in our abilities. That doesn’t mean you need a hundred people cheering you on, just feeling as though you have some sense of support can strengthen your belief in yourself. 

You can increase your sense of community by joining online or in-person groups, confiding in supportive friends about your goals, or even trying out a new hobby where you can meet like-minded people. That increase in community can give you a safe space to share your struggles, celebrate your victories, and get advice from people on a similar path. 

Sunnyside is well aware of the importance of community, and that’s why we’ve created an online one full of people working towards moderation that you can become a part of. On top of that, you can get one-on-one guidance from expert coaches to get personalized advice that works for your unique needs. 
If you want to include your friends in your moderation journey but aren’t sure how to tell them, check out this article for ideas: How to Communicate Your Drinking Choices with Friends.

If you want to drink less alcohol, does that mean you have a problem? 

Wanting to drink less doesn’t necessarily mean you have a problem with alcohol. It can actually be a healthy sign of self-awareness and the desire to make changes that help you live better. Some of the most common reasons for wanting to drink less alcohol are improving physical and mental health, like sleeping better, feeling less anxiety, or losing weight. 

Wanting to drink more moderately can just be about feeling ready to take action to improve your habits; it’s not a label for an issue. As long as you know your motivation, that’s enough to help you towards the first step. 

If you are, however, worried that you might have a problem with alcohol, it’s best to talk to a professional. That could mean a therapist who specializes in addiction, trying a free support group, or seeing your doctor for a check-up and asking for a referral and other options. 

If that sounds too overwhelming, think of someone you trust who isn’t judgmental and who you can confide in. Even that extra bit of emotional support can make it easier to reach out for professional help. 

You can also take a look at these ten questions based on the DSM-5 used to diagnose Alcohol Use Disorder — check out the article here: Am I an Alcoholic? 10 Signs to Consider. It also has some options for finding support. 

How Sunnyside can help you drink less alcohol

Sunnyside works to help you feel like cutting back isn’t a major sacrifice. We’re here to offer support as you find balance and moderation at your own pace, pressure-free. We created a safe space for you to get personalized guidance, track your goals, and meet a community of people going through the same journey. Hear other people’s stories, share similar experiences (if you want to), celebrate your victories, access a plethora of free resources and guides, or even get advice from other members. Whatever it is that you need, Sunnyside is here to walk alongside you, making each step towards balance easier. Take the free quiz to get a personalized weekly plan and access to our private community, no strings attached.